This is a post I have been working on for a while so it may be a bit long, and verges on seriousness once in a while, so be warned. Oh, and some of the thoughts aren't really connected to each other.
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As a young woman who got pregnant and choose NOT to have an abortion I am glad to see someone who can so skillfully present this topic. I was 16 when I met the father of my daughter and was at the time considered 'grown up' by a lot of the adults around me. I had been through a lot in my life and made a lot of choices that a 'normal' 16 year old isn't likely to do. My ex, lived with me for a while(and my parents) yet we still had plenty of chances to do things they still don't know about. I was so desperate for attention at the time that I didn't see him for what he really was a controlling, jealous jerk.
Shortly after we started dating I made the choice to start having sex with him because at the time I thought that was 'what you do', I mean LOOK at hollywood and how they portray relationships- girl meets boy, girl likes boy, they fall in 'love' and sleep together and live happily ever after. If only the Real world were that easy.
I had just graduated high school when I found out I was pregnant, I had to put off my freshman year of college because I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle it all at once. I had my daughter 6 and a half months after I turned 18, and she is now almost 2. I love her with all my heart and don't regret having her, but I do sometimes wonder what life would be like now if I had choosen to wait rather than 'jumping into life' before I was ready.
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Now don't get me wrong I love my daughter and realize that I am very lucky to have her. Its just that I have been having a lot of those "What if," moments lately. I think this has largely been brought about by some recent news that I received from our pediatrician(more on that this week).
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I have spent the last 3 years being a parent, teacher, role model, source of nourishment, and constant touchstone to the most amazing person I know. I look at her and I see so much potential but at the same time I wonder if everything I do is enough.
It has really been eye opening to me, to see how much a little person can absorb in a short amount of time. I see her growing and learning, and changing right before my eyes. I have been 'lucky' enough to spend the last 2 years at home nurturing her. I know that in the fall I will have to say goodbye to the relationship we currently have and say hello to the next phase in it. I am dreading the step, as much as I am relishing the 'grown up time' I will be getting. Though I know I will also be setting an example for her to follow, showing her it IS possible to accomplish your dreams even if plans deviate slightly, but man how I will miss our un-interupted mommy and baby time.