Tuesday, May 20, 2008

The Bathroom Diaries

Item #1: The Alcove:


Item #2: The Sinks:


So today was an intriguing day. My grandmother, the midget and I all drove up to Canada to have lunch with some of the relatives(yes I have Canadian blood- you got a problem with that?!)

After what felt like 7 zillion hours being lost we arrived at my Great Aunt's home. We visited briefly, then all loaded up into the car, and headed down to lunch. She insisted upon taking us to a particular restaurant. When we arrived that should have been my first clue as to what kind of gin joint we had walked into.

The lobby was done in a fancy-ish stone with 'artichoke lights'(lights shaped like artichokes) hanging from the ceiling. We were seated at a table near the kitchen and waited upon hand and foot. A few minutes after we'd placed our order I realized that I needed to use the restroom. Now in a normal situation this would be no problem whatsoever and actually quite easy. As this was a 'fancyish' restaurant not so easy.

I get up and I head down the hall to the 'Washroom'(again SHOULDA been a clue), at the end of the hall I found two sets of heavily frosted doors after a moment of intense study and deliberation, I discovered that there was a minute "W" marking the door to my left. When I stepped through the door I never imagined it to be a portal to a whole 'nother world.

As I entered directly in front of me was a leather love seat, against a lovely wall that was covered in a gorgeous piece of art work. To my left were the ornate sinks, and a giant mirror. To the right was a hallway leading to an alcove of sorts, that was filled with more heavily frosted glass. I quickly noticed that the glass panels had handles, and a sign that denoted its 'occupancy'. I determined that the glass panels must conceal the facilities. So I endeavored down the alcove and found an empty stall. I stepped inside and was SHOCKED at what I found.

Inside I met the most technologically advanced toilet I have ever laid eyes upon. It appeared to be the 'standard toilet' except for a few features- the seat was wrapped in plastic sheathing, that was an automatic seat cover. There was a button on the left side, which when pushed changed the seat cover for you. You then proceeded to sit down and attend to your business, all while watching the 7" Television that was located in the door. That's right there was a TV INSIDE the stall. When you were done instead of standing up and having to touch the grimy gross handle with your hands you merely stepped on the conveniently placed button on the floor, and exited the chamber.

Once outside you proceeded back out of the alcove to the automatic sinks. The automatic sinks of doom, I should say. You wave your hands in front of the sensors about 20 times before the water turns on, then you get the soap and start washing your hands, and the water has shut off already(it was on about 30 seconds). After soaping you proceed to rinse, get about half a rinse done, and the water shuts off, repeat the waving at the sensor procedure and finish rinsing your hands. Now exit, the restroom.

I returned to the table laughing, at the restroom, and sent my grandmother to experience it. She came back and I swear the ONLY thing I heard about the rest of the trip was the bathroom. Oh, and random border crossing guy? Yeah, so sorry she sounded like a raving idiot describing to you in detail the bathroom, thanks for letting us back in!

1 comment:

Tranny Head said...

Ok, I admit I've seen all of those things except a TV in the stall door. How odd . . . I wonder why the restaurant is anticipating people being so bored with their food that they want to spend a lot of time in the bathroom?