My feelings about the situation in which we find ourselves

Today's post will be a follow up of sorts to yesterdays post.

I received the phone call from the pediatrician explaining WHY the schedule had been bumped up, and it is much as had been feared.

She is leaving her practice.

Now that may not seem a big deal to most people out there but let me explain something. I HATE most pediatricians(I'll spare you the down and dirty details as to why for now). So for me to not only take Kenzie to one, but to also fully switch 100% over(from a family practice) is NOT like me. I have raved in the past about our pediatrician, and all of it still stands true. Sadly she is moving her practice to a city that is much too far to drive for 'routine care' visits, about an hour and a half one way, so I can't follow her. *sighs*

My feelings about this whole thing are rather mixed.

~ I feel rather like I 'broke' kenzie in the fact that she has had numerous 'issues' since birth, and has seen not 1 or 2 but this will be her 5th 'ologist'

She has seen:

* Urologist * Cardiologist * Opthamologist  * Audiologist

~ I 'know' that I did NOT 'break' her but try rationalizing that to my single parent brain in which I am the one who provides all her care, and food, and such. I have no one else to blame the 'issues' on.

~ I feel kind of cold and alone, as I cannot make her father aware of the issues that she has or it becomes an 'oh woe is me' festival, in which the world must revolve around him and how screwed up his life is because Kenzie is 'broken'(doesn't help with my issues).

~ I tend to bottle my feelings until the point at which they 'explode' and I end up spending hours on the phone to my BFF Tiff, bawling my eyes out over how 'horrid' of a parent I am.

~ If I try and discuss any of the 'issues' with my family, I continually hear 'Oh she's young she'll just grow out of it', or 'Well why aren't you doing ____ or ____?' or 'You MUST of done SOMETHING to cause this, after all YOU put her into speech therapy'

~Some days I just want to curl up in a burrow and hide from the world for fear of another 'issue' cropping up and forcing me to learn about another 'ology'.

~ I wish I could wave a magic wand make my baby all better, and not have to go through another medical procedure.

~ Having had MRI's myself, I know that they are not 'painful' I'm just worried about how I'll control a toddler whilst she is having her BRAIN scanned.

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Having said all these things do let me say this one-

I KNOW ITS NOT MY FAULT!

Sadly this doesn't help all the time, and while I have been preparing for hearing the words spoken(Your daughter needs an MRI, and to see a Neurologist) I had not been prepared for them so soon. Something about my favorite person on the planet is leaving, and wants to tie up all the 'loose ends' before she does so.

All your kind words have meant a lot to me, and I hold them near and dear as they help to buoy my spirits as we enter this, new phase of our medical journey. Hopefully this time the doctor won't give me a hard time about being 'smarter than their resident'.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to research Neurologists and pick the best one for my daughter.

In Which I reveal all

So the past week has been very long and trying for me, as a parent and as a person. Kenzie has been undergoing speech therapy since the middle of February having been diagnosed at the end of January, with a 'speech delay'.

We've gone in weekly for her appointments, been doing all the 'homework' that was required, and making some progress. Alas, that has not been enough apparently. We now have to go down sometime next month, and see a Neurologist, and have an MRI preformed at Children's Hospital.

I'll back up a minute and explain. See back in late March/early April Kenzie went into see our pediatrician, about some unrelated thing.  While we were there, we discussed her speech therapy, and the physical therapy, and the newest thing we had noticed which was a 'slight' tremor to her muscles. The pediatrician was concerned but not overly so, suggesting that we watch it, and re-convene in July, to re-check, and discuss at that point possibly having a Neurology consult done. She also at that time expressed interest in having a Occupational Therapy assessment done when we got the chance.

Fast forward now to last week. Wednesday we were at speech therapy, and I asked the therapist about the OT referral we had received as here it was a full month and a half later, and it still hadn't happened. This conversation turned into discussion of the Neuro consult possibility before we left. 

Skip to the next day around noon. My phone rings, and I glance at the display, and see that it is the pediatrician's office calling us. I pick up to the very lovely voice of our AWESOME nurse whom I love. She was calling to inform me that they were going ahead with the consult referral, and just wanted to give me a heads up so that when the Neurologist's office called me I wasn't totally shocked(You mean like I am right now?!).

Now skip to today. We arrived for ST, and PT, at our usual time, went and did our thing. While we were there I casually brought up my conversation with the Ped's nurse last week. I was curious if they had, had a 'discussion'* with the Pedi at some point the prior week, thus bringing about the phone call. They both answered in the negative that they had NOT had a discussion with the Ped; BUT they both felt very strongly that we should proceed with the consult as she is not making 'marked' progress and is still occasionally exhibiting signs of a slight tremor.

So as it stands right now, at our PT, ST, and Pediatrician's recommendation we are going in July at some point(date TBD) to see a neurologist, and have an MRI preformed. Looking for what? Nobody quite knows(this is the answer I continually get), so its basically a crap shoot as to wether or not we 'find' anything. I will keep you updated.

* Our Pediatrician and our speech therapist/physical therapist all share a building and a lunch room, all have freely admitted to having 'discussions' about Kenzie over lunch. Which honestly freaks me out a little, because seriously, don't y'all have something better to talk about like say the weather?

Introducing "Carter"

The last kid of the 2008 kidding season has officially hit the ground as of Sunday June 1st.

She is for the moment, un-named(as I don't get to name her *sighs*). I however have to have SOMETHING to refer to her as. So I have dubbed her Carter. She is constantly babbling(aka crying, and fussing) over something.

Frankly all I hear is 'maaaah, maaaaaaaaah! mah!' all frickin day long. If I still had my sling I'd be doing the following with her:

 

Takes baby wearing to a WHOLE new level!

But sadly I gave away the kicking awesome sling to a friend of mine who had a baby and refuse to spend money on one for GOATS.

Since this post is already quite long and wordy, we'll get to the REAL reason your here. The kid.

 

Carter was a single kid hence the lonely look

 

 

Carter weighed in at about 6 lbs which was surprising because she was a single, and singles usually weigh a wee bit more than say twins or triplets.  

This Entry Not found

So have you ever had a day where you cannot remember anything for the life of you?

No? well then me either!

Actually I'm having one of those days today. I woke up this morning at the bright and wonderful awful hour of 6 am. To a screaming newborn goat. Normally I wouldn't have a problem with a screaming infant goat(because its well just a baby) this morning I had to go over a mental checklist just to remember the basics.

Bottle? check

Towel? Check

Baby? check

nipple that doesn't leak? no check

I don't know if my sudden forgetfulness has anything to do with my stress about what will be happening Wednesday(more on that then if I remember), or if its a lack of sleep, or because that little enemy of all womankind is currently visiting.

Now if you'll excuse me I am going back to bed in hopes of finding my memories, or at least having some nice yummy dreams.

Sunday Searches, and a newsflash

Since it is the beginning of a new(and hotter) month, that means it is officially time for the most random search term game.

In the last month I have had some fun posts.

* Furniture P0rn

* Prom Memories (okay technically not may but its my blog my rules)

* Duck ling Posts

And much, much more.

So I was curious to see what tricked, dragged, brought people here, besides my constant nagging, requests, me.

Oh, and toward the end of this week I'll be hitting my 200th post. Would you rather see a 100 things list, or do a down and dirty Q & A session?

Of course there was the usual:

* Goat shelter, Goat Farmer

The variations of squirrels:
* Army Squirrels

* Crazy Squirrels

* Sexy Squirrels (is there such a thing???)

Variations on naming:

* Duckling Names

* Name Poll

* Boy goat names/ goat names

A Few intriguing ones:

* Mucus plug (gee I hope you were looking for goat mucus plugs)

* Stringy Hair (hmmm I just got it cut, and colored, thought I had more body to it now, guess not?)

* Things found in a purse (i did a post on that eons ago.)

* Poker Coloring Pages(do I even DARE ask?)

* I got in a fight with a goat (I'm sorry, what did you say to it?)

* Bridle Boxer (I have a BriNdle one)

* I pick my hair (hmm I think there's a program for that)

* Is it a boy duck or girl duck (I may do a series of photos on this one)

The MOST intriguing search term to lead to THIS blog goes to *drum roll*

* Dirty birthday wishes. (Hmm, nope, not here, sorry)

 

Now onto the newsflash portion of today's blog. We had our last kid of the year arrive safe and sound today. It is a little brown girl who weighs in at approximately 6 lbs.

Parenthood

This is a post I have been working on for a while so it may be a bit long, and verges on seriousness once in a while, so be warned. Oh, and some of the thoughts aren't really connected to each other.

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As a young woman who got pregnant and choose NOT to have an abortion I am glad to see someone who can so skillfully present this topic. I was 16 when I met the father of my daughter and was at the time considered 'grown up' by a lot of the adults around me. I had been through a lot in my life and made a lot of choices that a 'normal' 16 year old isn't likely to do. My ex, lived with me for a while(and my parents) yet we still had plenty of chances to do things they still don't know about. I was so desperate for attention at the time that I didn't see him for what he really was a controlling, jealous jerk.

Shortly after we started dating I made the choice to start having sex with him because at the time I thought that was 'what you do', I mean LOOK at hollywood and how they portray relationships- girl meets boy, girl likes boy, they fall in 'love' and sleep together and live happily ever after. If only the Real world were that easy.

I had just graduated high school when I found out I was pregnant, I had to put off my freshman year of college because I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle it all at once. I had my daughter 6 and a half months after I turned 18, and she is now almost 2. I love her with all my heart and don't regret having her, but I do sometimes wonder what life would be like now if I had choosen to wait rather than 'jumping into life' before I was ready.

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Now don't get me wrong I love my daughter and realize that I am very lucky to have her. Its just that I have been having a lot of those "What if," moments lately. I think this has largely been brought about by some recent news that I received from our pediatrician(more on that this week).

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I have spent the last 3 years being a parent, teacher, role model, source of nourishment, and constant touchstone to the most amazing person I know. I look at her and I see so much potential but at the same time I wonder if everything I do is enough.

It has really been eye opening to me, to see how much a little person can absorb in a short amount of time. I see her growing and learning, and changing right before my eyes. I have been 'lucky' enough to spend the last 2 years at home nurturing her. I know that in the fall I will have to say goodbye to the relationship we currently have and say hello to the next phase in it. I am dreading the step, as much as I am relishing the 'grown up time' I will be getting. Though I know I will also be setting an example for her to follow, showing her it IS possible to accomplish your dreams even if plans deviate slightly, but man how I will miss our un-interupted mommy and baby time.

Introducing the ducks

 

Remember them? They used to be little.  Now? HUGE!

 

They finally have names. Though I am only partially sure of what they will be(as in 1 of 2 names).

 

First off we have the duck formerly known as Crazy Duck.

Now to be known as Steve/Sasha, though if I was reading its bottom correctly when I sexed them today looks like Crazy Duck is Steve.

Next up is the Duckling formerly known as Spot. Spot still has Spots, because it is a Rouen.

Spot will now be called Stealth/Ninja, though again if I read it right it will be Ninja.

 

Last but not least is the duckling formerly known as Grey. Grey was the boring little duckling who wasn't much to look at.

Grey will be henceforth known as Bob/Brie(as in the cheese). Looks like a Brie though to me.

Now for some gratitious duckling pictures!

Dear New Neighbors

I'm writing this letter to express my deepest, and most sincere feelings about your late night habits. I was wondering if you could please try to keep it a little quieter as you are affecting my sleep.

Granted, I am a night owl but you guys are ridiculously loud, and obnoxious, often times staying up until 2 or 3 am, with your loud and raucous parties. I can deal with all your friends who live out beyond you as they are quite muffled by the woods in which they live.

You however have taken up residence in the strawberry patch below my window. I realize that y'all like to have a nice green roof over your head, but maybe you could try the flower garden, with the stump? I hear they are opening a new condo facility there in the next few days.

Failing that relocation, maybe you could keep the midnight ribbiting, to a minimum? I like to be able to hear myself think, and if I happen to be asleep, I do not appreciate being awoken by you and your 6 family members. Otherwise we may have to discuss more permanent solutions to my noise problem, okay?

Thanks for the consideration,

The woman in the bedroom above you

*In case you didn't get it my new neighbors? Totally a family of 7 frogs living out under my window.

A quick straw poll

Okay so as you may remember I ran a name poll for the ducklings. 2 out of the 3 have names. 1 duckling however had a tie for its boy name.

So before I introduce their names, I'd like to break the tie first.

You will find the poll in the right sidebar

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You can vote for 24 hours only so get those votes in now!

Why I Farm part 3

Just because of these opportunities:

And for those of you wondering- they did this 'willingly', and YES! it really was one of their birthdays(thats the birthday boy in the last pic). Oh and YES! there was cake. It was Spice cake.

Why I Farm part 2

Why I Farm

So since I am rather pressed for time this weekend I will be sharing a series of pictures that illustrates the reason why I 'farm'.

Some of these pictures(most of them) are rather old like today's pictures.

Meet Fawn the Milk drinking goat:

 

She also likes to wear sweatshirts, with turtlenecks:

Friends, and Feelings

This post is about a friend. A wonderful great friend whom I cherish more every day. We all have them.

I will spare you the long version of how we met, suffice to say it was a long time ago. Then we 're-met' about a year, year and a half ago. See when I was in a toxic relationship, the other half was quite jealous of her and my other friends and forced me to cut off contact.

Then quite by accident, I reconnected with her through one of our mutual friends. To me at least when I re-found her it was like a flipping of a switch in my brain.

Ever had the feeling that you were missing something but didn't know what?  I did, until I re-found her.

Now its like my brain is mostly whole again. This is one person that I feel totally completely and utterly at ease with. I will, and can talk to her about anything, and everything, as well as nothing all at the same time.

In the last week she has made me realize how truly lucky I am to have a friend like her. A friend that I can laugh with, cry with and cry because of. A friend that makes me not afraid to actually have feelings and share them(though I still may not LIKE the feelings but that's a different blog post).

So thanks Tiff, your the best friend a girl could ever ask for.

Hook Me up please!

 

Check out my new blog, for my art: The Goat Farmer's Art

The Bathroom Diaries

Item #1: The Alcove:

Item #2: The Sinks:

So today was an intriguing day. My grandmother, the midget and I all drove up to Canada to have lunch with some of the relatives(yes I have Canadian blood- you got a problem with that?!)

After what felt like 7 zillion hours being lost we arrived at my Great Aunt's home. We visited briefly, then all loaded up into the car, and headed down to lunch. She insisted upon taking us to a particular restaurant. When we arrived that should have been my first clue as to what kind of gin joint we had walked into.

The lobby was done in a fancy-ish stone with 'artichoke lights'(lights shaped like artichokes) hanging from the ceiling. We were seated at a table near the kitchen and waited upon hand and foot. A few minutes after we'd placed our order I realized that I needed to use the restroom. Now in a normal situation this would be no problem whatsoever and actually quite easy. As this was a 'fancyish' restaurant not so easy.

I get up and I head down the hall to the 'Washroom'(again SHOULDA been a clue), at the end of the hall I found two sets of heavily frosted doors after a moment of intense study and deliberation, I discovered that there was a minute "W" marking the door to my left. When I stepped through the door I never imagined it to be a portal to a whole 'nother world.

As I entered directly in front of me was a leather love seat, against a lovely wall that was covered in a gorgeous piece of art work. To my left were the ornate sinks, and a giant mirror. To the right was a hallway leading to an alcove of sorts, that was filled with more heavily frosted glass. I quickly noticed that the glass panels had handles, and a sign that denoted its 'occupancy'. I determined that the glass panels must conceal the facilities. So I endeavored down the alcove and found an empty stall. I stepped inside and was SHOCKED at what I found.

Inside I met the most technologically advanced toilet I have ever laid eyes upon. It appeared to be the 'standard toilet' except for a few features- the seat was wrapped in plastic sheathing, that was an automatic seat cover. There was a button on the left side, which when pushed changed the seat cover for you. You then proceeded to sit down and attend to your business, all while watching the 7" Television that was located in the door. That's right there was a TV INSIDE the stall. When you were done instead of standing up and having to touch the grimy gross handle with your hands you merely stepped on the conveniently placed button on the floor, and exited the chamber.

Once outside you proceeded back out of the alcove to the automatic sinks. The automatic sinks of doom, I should say. You wave your hands in front of the sensors about 20 times before the water turns on, then you get the soap and start washing your hands, and the water has shut off already(it was on about 30 seconds). After soaping you proceed to rinse, get about half a rinse done, and the water shuts off, repeat the waving at the sensor procedure and finish rinsing your hands. Now exit, the restroom.

I returned to the table laughing, at the restroom, and sent my grandmother to experience it. She came back and I swear the ONLY thing I heard about the rest of the trip was the bathroom. Oh, and random border crossing guy? Yeah, so sorry she sounded like a raving idiot describing to you in detail the bathroom, thanks for letting us back in!

The Duckling Name Poll

Okay since I couldn't find the polls that I HAD made for the ducklings I have new ones.

Rules are simple each duckling has 2 categories with 3 names each. You may vote ONCE in each category(boy name, girl name) per duckling. That means when you are done you should have SIX (6) votes total.

SPOT's Name Poll:

Boy Names:

Girl Names:

GREY's Name Poll:

Boy Names:

Girl Names:

CRAZY DUCK's Name Poll:

Boy Names:

Girl Names:

I will be accepting votes until Friday at Midnight.

You may vote up to once per day.

Vote all for the same name or different names.

Crazy Days Link

So today I WAS going to have a name poll for y'all to vote on for the wee ducklings. Alas I lost the file with the final 9 choices in it, and now have to re-agonize over them so that I have choices.

So instead I'd like to share a link to a friend's blog. See I'm a member of a forum(affectionately known as ADB), and earlier this week MGM was holding a poll on their web site.

A little back story first.

T: My good friend from Florida

WG: My friend from Wales

A slight knowledge of Stargate Atlantis, is required.

My good friend T, sort of became a voting addict(sorry T you KNOW its true). So I was teasing her about it in my usual fashion, and came up with the likely scenario that she'd taken some 'wraith enzyme' and wasn't sleeping, and spent all her time voting.

So WG, T and I were bantering this story line back and forth. WG's muse got a hold of her, and held her in a death grip.

So she wrote a story. Starring Trish, Herself, and I.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Part 7 (last chapter)

Why I have been MIA(or my non-excuse)

So as you may remember a while back I introduced you to my new crush. His name as you may recall is Kavan Smith:

Seriously how could one NOT have a crush on him?

Okay secondly I have recently discovered the highly addictive substance known as Adobe Photoshop Elements 6.0, yes my friends I now have PSE.

I have spent the last week or so letting my muses run wild with Kavan pictures and PSE.

    

Yes, I have been making wallpapers. I apparently can't resist doing so. I have however been limiting myself to working on them only at nap time(HA! ha! ha! when is that again?) and after bed time. So I'm sorry if there isn't any real meaningful content. Plus? it doesn't help that I am a big ball of gooey gel from the heat.

Stay tuned for tomorrow's exciting poll!

Fried Friday

I may get FtF up later this weekend or I may end up taking the week off not sure at the moment. Until then I'd like to entertain you with pictures from the toddler's sojurn into the wading pool this morning.

First off it is supposed to be 90 ish degrees here over the weekend so I dragged out the wading pool, scrubbed it, plopped it on the deck and filled it.  Here is the story in pictures!

10 am and its already 68 degrees

Toddler clambers into pool

 

I dip a toe into the water

(squeal because its FREEZING!)

 

Watch toddler splash around for a while:

Remove toddler from pool force her inside house:

    

My 'favorite' picture about her feelings 

I love that my belly looks HUGE in this pic, I SWEAR there is NOTHING in there ;)

I'll upload a couple videos later when I get a chance.